part 3 section 3

The party's goal is only to have absolute power. That is what he wants me to believe and i must or the pain will intensify.What i have realized is i wanted to trust O'brien prior to getting caught because there just wasn't anybody else. When i saw that ray of hope i pounced on it like a hungry tiger. My actions were quick and stupid. I wanted it too much. So now here i am- a total idiot and literally dying before my very own eyes.I am eager to believe slogans and rhetoric now. Who have i become? The diary is all i have left and i know they will take it away from me. For now they are probably thinking o what the hell, there's nothing worse he can do. They are trying to morph me into someone unrecongnizable, not physically but internally. They don't want me to just confess and say i believe all their lies but to ACTUALLY believe it. What will i do? Who can i turn to? no one