part 3 chapter 2

i don't know what is right and wrong or what is up and down? Nothing seems to be clear any more. As i sit here writing there is blood oozing from my forehead and just gripping the pencil is sending shocks of pain up my arm. But it is nothing compared to what i have had to endure today. O'brien tells me 2+2=5 and i say fine. I find i love him because he holds the power of the pain. The dial turns up and i can only squeeze my eyes shut and wait it out. My body spasms and all i can think is doublethink-wait where was that memory. The past seems to just disappear now. where does it go? Down the hole with the discarded papers in the memory hole. I am terrified not only for myself but for Julia.