research paper review

oh what fun this essay was. i have never done an assignment before that put in so much effort. i learned about my stregnths in researching and gathering information. i still believe that my weakness is my ability to truly look at the information/quote/piece of evidence, and say why it is important. i found it quite difficult to keep my thoughts in line with my thesis. i worried i would get off track, like how ms. Gerber explained one of her 10th graders did. it will be so exciting to see what i got(well only if it is good) because i know that grade will reflect how i really did try my best. In the future i need to remember to take more time on say/mean/matter. just sit down with all of my quotes and really reflect. Honors class has taken a whole different meaning now. it is not just read a couple difficult books. it is also the grueling mla as well as six pages on a controversial topic. i am glad the topic(controversial)was so open because i was able to choose something to write about that i felt passionately towards. As a student i can be lazy sometimes, i don't always feel like giving something 100% of my attention. but there was no slacking off in this project. The school year is almost over, which means it is on to bigger and better things...like 10th grade english honors. Just the name frightens me. I know next year's class will be even more rigorous but i know if i take my time i can succeed. i think a clean slate will be good for me next year. my silly mistakes as a freshman behind me, there will be nothing i can't do. Next year's research paper i must remember to plot out and plan more(outline)for the essay. know exactly what i am going to say BEFORE i jump into it!

part 3 section 6

The Chestnut Tree with its endless glasses of gin is something i can look forward to. As i watch the telescreen my anticipation increases. How did that war turn out? i hope it went okay so i can celebrate a glass of Victory(true Victory in this case)Gin with my fellow comrades. I saw Julia a little while ago and other than a quicker beating of my heart i don't feel. My new love for Big Brother is a replaceable kind of love. I have learned to accept and move on because who knows when another rat mask could be heading in my direction. I feel i can still smell their rancid odor and hear their shrieking squeals of delight. My blood runs cold just thinking about it. But then i just look at a poster of BB and i feel a little safer and warmer. My new body feels more comfortable like a warm blanket encasing me. This is the true me i tell myself constantly. Sometimes i think all the things i told them i now believe were false. I just said those things so they would let me go. But deep down i know i would be fibbing. All the past seems false. All those nights with Julia, even the memories of my long lost family, they must be fake. Yeah that's right. They must have just been dreams that are swirling in my memory. What i do know for sure is that Big Brother loves me, Oceania is my only home, and what ever says goes. I need to stop fighting. I need to stop thinking. All i need to do is give myself over and just live.

part 3 chapter 5

The pain. I love o'brien for stopping the pain that made its way up my body. The pain that shocked me to screams of begging. "Stop just stop." and after the pain came the rats. I thought 75 on the dial was bad but when i saw those nasty varmints in the cage my blood curled within and i stopped breathing. The one thing that would make me go against Julia is the rats. With their beady eyes and yearning for my eye balls, i couldn't go through with it. I would die for the Brotherhood. That is what i thought. When i found that wasn't true i thought, well at least i could die for Julia.I wouldn't give her up no matter what. But i said Do it to Julia!Do it to Julia. How could i. Looking back i am ashamed; completely and utterly ashamed. When o'brien heard those words he knew i had changed. All those hours of torture had paid off and i had given the party my soul.

How could I?

part 3 chapter 4

The pain has subsided and thoughts are clearer. Food has never tasted so good before. That constant ache in my stomach prior was always a reminder of where i was and what i was in for. All the chores i had taken for granted like bathing feel like a treat now. When i look at my body the bones aren't as prominent. As i let my hands graze my body i feel the hard muscle beneath my veiny, white skin. I have no sense of time. I can not tell if it is morning or night, Wednesday or Friday. But it doesn't matter. The time has no effect on me living or dying. I lay here thinking, dreaming, eating and waiting for the next meal.

I try out new ideas in my head like trying out a new bicycle. 2+2=5. It feels funny like the new denchers i wear. if i tell myself it is true and there is no alternative then there can't be. Everything depends on me. That is what o'brien tells me. I make the decisions yet i have been stripped of all rights. And when i thought of Julia and the terrible mistake i might have made i had to take two steps back. I had been behaving so well and i ruined it for myself. "Room 101" he said. and i started to tremble.

part 3 section 3

The party's goal is only to have absolute power. That is what he wants me to believe and i must or the pain will intensify.What i have realized is i wanted to trust O'brien prior to getting caught because there just wasn't anybody else. When i saw that ray of hope i pounced on it like a hungry tiger. My actions were quick and stupid. I wanted it too much. So now here i am- a total idiot and literally dying before my very own eyes.I am eager to believe slogans and rhetoric now. Who have i become? The diary is all i have left and i know they will take it away from me. For now they are probably thinking o what the hell, there's nothing worse he can do. They are trying to morph me into someone unrecongnizable, not physically but internally. They don't want me to just confess and say i believe all their lies but to ACTUALLY believe it. What will i do? Who can i turn to? no one

part 3 chapter 2

i don't know what is right and wrong or what is up and down? Nothing seems to be clear any more. As i sit here writing there is blood oozing from my forehead and just gripping the pencil is sending shocks of pain up my arm. But it is nothing compared to what i have had to endure today. O'brien tells me 2+2=5 and i say fine. I find i love him because he holds the power of the pain. The dial turns up and i can only squeeze my eyes shut and wait it out. My body spasms and all i can think is doublethink-wait where was that memory. The past seems to just disappear now. where does it go? Down the hole with the discarded papers in the memory hole. I am terrified not only for myself but for Julia.

part 3 chapter 1

ha!the place where there is no darkness. i suppose this is just not what i had in mind. As i sit here deeply afraid within the only thing i can think of is betraying Julia. Will the physcial pain be too much to endure? i wish the Brotherhood would slip me a razor blade so i could just end it now at my own terms. What awaits me is unsure. People are constantly uprooted from the cell and dragged to room 101. What lies in there makes my hands sweat just thinking about it.

Now i know there will never be hope in this world. I thought there was 2 people i could trust-Julia and o'brien. Well, surprise, surprise. I can scratch one name off the list...o'brien. he walked into the cell and i believed he was captured as well. I was wrong. He is an operative of the Ministry of Love. He is with THEM!