Anything to defeat the party. That is my standard. seeing O'brien again has truly excited me. Julia and i met him at his mansion-like house. i was willing to risk danger to get their but truthfully i was nervous for Julia. But she was hard-headed and told me otherwise. We did go from different routes though but if anyone was suspicious they easily could have followed us. Within the house my nerves settled a little. I could not wrap my head around it when he turned off the telescreen. he turned it off! Because of his higher status i guess the Party trusts him a little more. But he did say that it couldn't stay turned off or they'd start to wonder. But with that one moment i knew there was hope. If that had to be the first step then that's what it would be.
Without any doubt or second thoughts i tell him all. I confess to all my rebellious thoughts. I tell him the hatred within me and all my feelings to what is going on. I feel with his nodding of the head he agrees. And then the warnings follow. he tells me of the danger i am getting myself into. I will have to do terrible things: cheat, lie, KILL. But it will be worth it. Worth it to finally meet in the place where there is no darkness. he tells me i will soon be receiving a copy of Goldstein's book, the manifesto of the revolution. With some last encouraging words that O'brien and i might meet again some day, Julia and i go our seperate ways. As i reflect on this meeting, i am mixed with optimism and fatalism. The good that i know will occur can only happen with some well needed punishment.
i told o'brien that i will endure any torture if i were captured except going against Julia. I may be guiless but the power of the party is no match. Bring it!
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